Pat Maulsen Smells Love in the Air

Valentines Day.  It's here again.  That unstoppable Juggernaut all dressed up in pink with flowers in one hand and chocolates in the other.  Every year around this time, about half of the people my age get really excited and the other half do their best not to acknowledge the fact that the spaces between their fingers are ominously empty rather than intertwined with another person's hand.  

I admit that I belong to the second category.  I am another one of the guys who simply tries to ignore all the Valentines Day hype because I don't want to be reminded that I'm no where close to landing a date with a girl right now.  In the past this was actually a big heart issue for me: I came to idolize the ideal of being in a relationship.  As a result, I spent an unhealthy amount of time day dreaming about being with certain girls and making silly halfhearted plans to woo them (I never followed through on those thankfully).  Ultimately, however, I was banished to the notorious "Friend Zone"...never to be heard from again.

Looking back, it was a good thing that it turned out that way for two primary reasons:

1)  I have the unfortunate tendency to be attracted to women that are out of my league and the simple fact of the matter was that if it had worked out the way I envisioned, they would have quickly discovered this and given me the boot anyway.  

2)  I have always wanted to get married young (aka get engaged before I graduate college).  But when I take a step back and look at it from a detached perspective, I realize that I am no where near ready for that.  I'm still super immature, don't have a job lined up, like to play video games, and think that Spongebob Squarepants is hilarious.  And anyway, I'm too selfish to be married now (see my post "Pat Maulsen Meditates on the Irony of Being Alive" for more details).  I think part of what made me so eager to marry was the fact that within the past two years, over 20 people that I know from school have gotten engaged or married and I was feeling a bit behind.

Love can be a surprisingly touchy subject in our culture.  I think that is primarily because in our hyper-sexualized culture, you can't simply talk about love without sex anymore- and sex is a controversial and touchy subject.  After all, isn't that the ultimate point of love: to have sex and procreate?  Well the evolutionists would certainly say so at least.  

I honestly think that Christian views on sex are one of the main reasons that many young people can't bring themselves to devote themselves to Jesus.  No one really objects to the idea of giving to the poor or of condemning murder and general social injustice.  What young people primarily object to are the prohibitions against extra-marital sex, and drunkenness (you notice, I hope, that those two often go hand in hand...).  

The entire culture of the younger generations can arguably be said to be built around sex.   Why do girls dress up in revealing tops when they go out at night?  You can bet it's not to impress their girlfriends!  What do you think the primary motivation for a majority of men at the gym is?  It's not to be in great shape for the sake of being healthy (although that is one benefit).  It's to have a "good looking" body so that they look more attractive to women! 

 I know that this is very generalized.  I personally know many guys and girls who don't have being sexually attractive in mind as their primary motivation for their actions.  But I would still argue that it is a huge factor in our culture at large.  No one who looks back at culture a few decades ago can argue that we are becoming less sexualized by comparison without getting laughed at.  Eroticism is the mysticism of materialism.  

So what about love then?  Are all the flowers and chocolates that guys are buying on Valentines Day merely bribes to get girls in bed with them?  For some, this is certainly the case.  But not for all.  There is still a contingent of soldiers fighting for love for loves sake.

But what does that look like?  When we are talking about love, it is important to establish exactly what we mean by it.  If, by "love", we mean "the special feeling two people get that makes blood flow to certain parts of the body normally used in the process of baby-making", then we are at an impasse.  I would say that the former definition of love isn't love at all- it's lust.  

I'll never forget the story that I heard at the Salt Company Spring Retreat two years ago.  On the final day, our speaker, Paul Sabino told the story of how he met and dated his wife Jenny.  But it really wasn't a story about him and Jenny, it was a story about Jenny's father.  If you want to hear it, you can listen to it here (it's under "The Good Life- Sunday AM")

In the story, Jenny's dad (John) was suffering greatly.  He had been in and out of the hospital for a long time, had over 30 surgeries, and a bad blood transfusion.  On the week of his 28th wedding anniversary, it was evident that he could die at any moment.  Despite that, on the day of his anniversary, he gave instructions to the doctors that they were not to give him his usual medication so that he could have a clear mind.  He then instructed his son to go and buy a beautiful ring for him because when he got married, he was too poor to afford a nice one and he wanted to surprise his wife.  He then called his wife to the hospital and gave her the ring and shared a beautiful day with his wife, surprising her by even having the wherewithal to remember that it was their anniversary.  He died two days later in his wife's arms (she climbed into bed with him at the hospice and held him as he went to be with Jesus.)  

That is what love looks like.  Sacrificial.  That's what Jesus' love for us was like.  And we Christians called to love that way.  Ephesians says for husbands to "love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her."  This is the kind of love to emulate this Valentine's season.  Love with the goal of honoring your significant other, not seeking to get any more out of the relationship than you should.  

I don't feel qualified to offer advice to anyone who is currently dating anyone since I myself am single.  But I would offer this to all the single dudes out there:  don't fret because you don't have a hand to hold on Valentines Day.  Work to make sure that you are a man of character- to make sure that you are even the type of guy that deserves to be with a girl at all.  Being single is a great blessing, although it may not always feel like it.  I know I sure have a lot of work to do in that department, but where as in years past I went about trying to develop my character with the end goal of winning a girl in mind, now I want to develop my character for the sake of having a good character so that I can make the name of Jesus great.  And if He decides in his divine wisdom that I am ready for a girlfriend, then I'll take it when it comes.  

So don't be jealous of all the lovers out there.  Thank God that he gave us a model of what love looks like, and enjoy seeing others happy in each other's company.  Love is in the air!