Pat Maulsen Meditates on the Irony of Being Alive

In a medium like a blog, there is a certain amount of thought that goes into every post.  How much of my life do I write about?  What should be kept private?  Will this or that story make me look bad?  Do I get real deep or will that turn readers off?  I think that in the end people want authenticity- it seems to be the catchphrase of my generation.  I'm not really bothered about making myself look good because that's not really me...I'm not good so why should I try and make my online image into something false?

Last night Pat Maulsen made a surprise appearance!  I really hadn't had an outstanding week overall and I was just looking to let loose a bit so after my roommates and I got back home after our roommate date (sound gay? we're from Muscatine....deal with it) I consumed way more than the recommended amount of alcohol for the evening.  It turns out that when I'm drunk, I think at 1000mph.  I dominated a chess match with one of my roommates even though I took an average of 1 second for each move....that is until I accidentally knocked all the pieces over :(.  I also tackled my roommate Kyle into a wall and made a big old hole :(.

But one of the defining qualities of Draulsen (drunk Paulsen) is that there is no filter.  This is not surprising- many drunks experience this.  Being intoxicated is like having truth serum- what I say may not always make total sense but it is without a doubt what I believe.

 During the course of the night I at some point confessed to my roommates that I hate my life.  I want to articulate that a bit further right now.  I will be brutally honest.  It's true- I hate my life.  Does that surprise you?  I have a lot to be thankful for.  I have a good and loving family, plenty of friends, good health, good opportunities, and even though I am not rich by American standards I am by comparison one of the richest people in the world.  What's to hate?

The answer lies inward.  My dissatisfaction lies not so much with my outward circumstances as with who I am fundamentally.  In moments of truest clarity when I turn the lens of introspection on myself, I see me just as I am:
Rude.  Disrespectful.  Violent.  Arrogant.  Prideful.  Angry.  Weak.  My life is a sham from beginning to end.  When you peel back the layers of who I am and examine me you will be most disappointed in what you find if your expectation was to find an upstanding young man with any sort of virtue.  If you could somehow put a hidden camera in my mind for just one day and watch all my hidden thoughts you would be disgusted at my mental treatment of others.  When I am honest and look at my life, I see that at the core there is nothing worthwhile.  I'm sick.  I have the seemingly incurable malady of being human.

So what is the point of all this?  What is the practical result of such harsh introspection?  In my case, it is what led me to Jesus.  I think that this is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he said "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters- yes, even his own life- he cannot be my disciple.  And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26-27)

Jesus knows that we all suffer from the effect of sin.  He knows each of us and is not fooled by our outward appearance of goodness- he sees the sickness of humanity.  That is why he also said "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  Go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'  For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Matthew 9:12)

No one who loves this life will be able to metaphorically and spiritually "put themselves to death" in the way Jesus demands of his followers.  That is really the irony of being alive- in order to achieve true life, you have to die.  Again, Jesus illustrates this point: "The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

Jesus will save you from yourself.  Before, we were looking at my life under the lens of introspection.  But God will look at my life through the lens of Jesus' blood.  No longer will I receive condemnation for I have been adopted as an heir in the Eternal Kingdom.

Examine yourself.  Peel back the layers that you put in place so that the world will look favorably on you.  See your sin and your inability to escape from your very nature- the proclivity to go on sinning.  Then repent and turn to Jesus.  You will find yourself in the embrace of an Almighty God who will never let you go and who will give you a new heart, new desires, and a new life.  And even when you fail (like I did last night by getting drunk) you can remember that "his mercies are made new each morning" and take comfort in His mercy.

Cheers.