Pat Maulsen's Biggest Fear

I have been blessed (or cursed...however you want to look at it) with being an introvert.  Introversion is often misunderstood in an American culture that demands that everyone be extroverted in order to be considered "normal".  Being introverted does not mean that I don't like being around people.  What it means is that I gain energy from being alone, while being around people drains my batteries so to speak.  The opposite is true for extroverts- they gain energy from being around people while solitude tends to rub them the wrong way.

Often confused with shyness, introversion does not equal social discomfort.  It simply means that you don't like being around too many people for too long because you become overstimulated.  This would explain why I am often the first of my friends to be ready to leave a social gathering, even if everyone I'm hanging out with is a friend rather than a stranger.  Even if I just have a bunch of friends over at my apartment, sometimes I prefer to sit in the corner and watch rather than speak up- the more people there are, the less I tend to speak.  I prefer one on one interactions.

As one psychologist put it "[an introvert's] big challenge is not to feel like outsiders in their own culture."  I definitely relate to this.  There are a lot of times that I hate being introverted- I wish that I could always have energy and something funny or witty constantly on the tip of my tongue like some of my friends.  But the reality is that most of my world takes place inside my own head.  I always have something to say but I don't always know how to put it into words without serious consideration (that's one of the reasons that I'm a better written communicator than I am a spoken communicator- hence the blog).   That's one of the reasons why I enjoy spending time with my roommate Kyle- we can both be in the same place together, not say a word, and not feel awkward about the silence.

I find the whole thing really strange because there's a part of me that desires solitude, but another part of me that desires fellowship and they seem to be in conflict with each other fairly often.

People have lots of random fears.  You can be medically diagnosed with everything from fear of death (normal) to fear of being shot by a spider (not normal).  But my biggest fear isn't that something will happen to me, it's that something won't.  Since an early age, my number one fear has been to be alone.  I'm not talking about the act of physically being by myself.  I mean I'm afraid of having no significant connection to anyone.  To be devalued.  To not have anyone care.

There have been many times in my life, even as recently as a few weeks ago, where I get caught up in my own mind and allow it to run away from me.  In dark times, it whispers to me:

Your friends are fake.  The moment you move away they will abandon you.

No one will miss you- just go drive into that tree over there.

You actually think your life has value to anyone?  You don't belong and you know it...

It is scary to get bogged down in depression.  It feels like struggling through quicksand- the more you try to fight it, the deeper it sucks you in.  I know I am not alone in the struggle of the human heart to feel loved.  We live in a culture that devalues people and calls it humor.  I hate that.  Sarcasm is the American dialect, yet it serves only to tear down and belittle, again in the name of humor.

 Humanity is fundamentally flawed- I like to call it sin (so does Jesus, by the way).  We were originally created to be in perfect relationship with God, but that relationship was broken when sin entered the world through our first father Adam.  As a result, our natural state is one that is separated from relationship with God- the very thing that our souls long for.  Humanity itself is lonely.  It fills the hole in its heart with all manner of things: alcohol, drugs, sports, sex, money, entertainment- but it never satisfies.

We individuals, as a microcosm of humanity, long to fill the hole in our hearts.  We are all lonely and the sad thing is that some of us don't recognize it because we are convinced that what we are indulging in to ease the hurt will somehow fulfill us.

For Christians who have been justified before God and now have a relationship with him again, the important thing to understand is that our desire for each other is a good thing.  As the body of Christ, the church exists to help heal the hurts of the soul.  We are meant to come alongside each other in meaningful relationship.  I am so grateful for all of the brothers and sisters that I have in my life- they bring me much joy and I would do anything for them.  BUT we must be wary of turning relationship with each other from a good thing into an ultimate thing.  The ultimate thing is, was, and will always be God.  When we exult relationships to that high a position, we no longer have relationship with Jesus in view.  And since relationship with Jesus is the only thing that satisfies, when you lose that focus, you become depressed because people will let you down.

But Jesus has love for you that is more than what any human could have for you.  And his love is not dependent on anything we do.  He continues to love us even when we mess up (which is a HUGE encouragement to people like me who mess up a lot).

""Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord who has compassion on you." (Isaiah 54:10)


"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.'  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 8:35-39)


So when facing the fear of loneliness, remember that if you have been forgiven and adopted into God's family through Jesus, you will never be alone.  And if you understand that the Church is the Body of Christ, you know that you shouldn't have to face isolation from other humans either, for the church exists to comfort and heal the broken and lead each other towards God.

As for me, I know I need to be more intentional about letting others know how much I value them.  If I hope to be valued, I need to reciprocate.  That is what relationship is: both parties contributing something.  So for all my readers, whether they be close friends or total strangers, know that you are loved and that God desires to know and love you more than any individual you will encounter.

Be blessed!

Pat Maulsen Wants to Breathe

So there's a Youtube video that's pretty popular with a lot of people these days.  It is a video featuring East Carolina running back Giavanni Ruffin doing a variety of high intensity exercises while some guy in the background delivers a motivational talk on being successful in life.  The main idea of the whole thing is summed up in this quote from the video: "When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful."

The idea here put forth in the video is that people often say that they want to be successful, but they don't really mean it.  They only kind of want to be successful and therefore they fall short.  I think there's something to that.

Of course, I also think there's a lot wrong with the idea of success that is put forth in the video (they are talking about making money- obviously, I think there's more important things in life than wanting to make money as badly as you want to breathe).  But it's completely true that a lot of people go through life with half-hearted ideas of accomplishing a vague "something" and, consequently, they never rise above the status quo.

Jesus says something similar about being a Christian: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his brothers and sisters, yes- even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26)

This idea of lukewarmness really hits home for me.  Too often, I sit around thinking nice spiritual thoughts about how life should be and I don't do anything.  I want to reword the video's quote to be applicable to Christian life: "When you want Jesus as bad as a starving man wants to eat and drink, then you will be an effective follower of Jesus."

There's a verse that hangs on the wall of my kitchen in my apartment that I see every day.  It says "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled." (Matthew 5:17)  I want that!!  If I were to fall into a camp, I think it would be the camp of legalistic hypocrites.  So often, it is my tendency to condemn things- to say "that has no place in a Christian's life" and then the next day I go and do it myself.

But I want so badly to be a righteous man!  To be a man of unshakable virtue and character whose lifestyle points others to Jesus!  But I haven't desired it badly enough.  I've drank the wine of the world and eaten from the plate of hypocrisy rather than being filled with the Living Water of God.

C.S. Lewis puts it like this:
"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea.  We are far too easily pleased."

God I'm thirsty for you!!  The Spirit and the Bride say 'Come!' and let him who hears say 'Come!'  Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life (Revelation 22:17)

God I'm hungry for you!!  Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God (Deuteronomy 8:3)


Jesus says for us to "be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect."  That's a standard no one can live up to.  But Jesus did it for us so that the weight of perfection has been lifted from our shoulders and we are now free to pursue righteousness!  To that end, right now I'm making some life choices to try and end my lukewarm hypocrisy and start living like a son of God.

1) I'm officially abstaining from alcohol from now until the end of the school year.  I've only been drunk three times in my life and that's three times too many.

2) While I've been really good about abstaining from lust (I haven't viewed any pornographic material since 2011) I can always improve.  I want to be totally pure in my thoughts like Job who "made a covenant with his eyes not to look on a woman with lust"

3) I'm going to do my absolute best not to skip any classes for the rest of the year (baring necessity for sickness or something extreme like that).  There's no excuse for a Christ follower to be putting anything less than his all into any endeavor.

These are 3 things that I feel are very manageable and will take me a long way in disciplining myself into a man worthy of respect.  They are by no means all that I intend to change about my life, but they are the ones that come most readily to mind.

I hope that if you are reading this, you feel challenged to put an end to your own lukewarmness and join me in hungering and thirsting for the only thing that really matters in this life- Jesus.  I leave you with this verse to meditate on:
"You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead he puts it on its stand and it gives light to every corner of the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men that they might see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5: 14-16)

Pat Maulsen Smells Love in the Air

Valentines Day.  It's here again.  That unstoppable Juggernaut all dressed up in pink with flowers in one hand and chocolates in the other.  Every year around this time, about half of the people my age get really excited and the other half do their best not to acknowledge the fact that the spaces between their fingers are ominously empty rather than intertwined with another person's hand.  

I admit that I belong to the second category.  I am another one of the guys who simply tries to ignore all the Valentines Day hype because I don't want to be reminded that I'm no where close to landing a date with a girl right now.  In the past this was actually a big heart issue for me: I came to idolize the ideal of being in a relationship.  As a result, I spent an unhealthy amount of time day dreaming about being with certain girls and making silly halfhearted plans to woo them (I never followed through on those thankfully).  Ultimately, however, I was banished to the notorious "Friend Zone"...never to be heard from again.

Looking back, it was a good thing that it turned out that way for two primary reasons:

1)  I have the unfortunate tendency to be attracted to women that are out of my league and the simple fact of the matter was that if it had worked out the way I envisioned, they would have quickly discovered this and given me the boot anyway.  

2)  I have always wanted to get married young (aka get engaged before I graduate college).  But when I take a step back and look at it from a detached perspective, I realize that I am no where near ready for that.  I'm still super immature, don't have a job lined up, like to play video games, and think that Spongebob Squarepants is hilarious.  And anyway, I'm too selfish to be married now (see my post "Pat Maulsen Meditates on the Irony of Being Alive" for more details).  I think part of what made me so eager to marry was the fact that within the past two years, over 20 people that I know from school have gotten engaged or married and I was feeling a bit behind.

Love can be a surprisingly touchy subject in our culture.  I think that is primarily because in our hyper-sexualized culture, you can't simply talk about love without sex anymore- and sex is a controversial and touchy subject.  After all, isn't that the ultimate point of love: to have sex and procreate?  Well the evolutionists would certainly say so at least.  

I honestly think that Christian views on sex are one of the main reasons that many young people can't bring themselves to devote themselves to Jesus.  No one really objects to the idea of giving to the poor or of condemning murder and general social injustice.  What young people primarily object to are the prohibitions against extra-marital sex, and drunkenness (you notice, I hope, that those two often go hand in hand...).  

The entire culture of the younger generations can arguably be said to be built around sex.   Why do girls dress up in revealing tops when they go out at night?  You can bet it's not to impress their girlfriends!  What do you think the primary motivation for a majority of men at the gym is?  It's not to be in great shape for the sake of being healthy (although that is one benefit).  It's to have a "good looking" body so that they look more attractive to women! 

 I know that this is very generalized.  I personally know many guys and girls who don't have being sexually attractive in mind as their primary motivation for their actions.  But I would still argue that it is a huge factor in our culture at large.  No one who looks back at culture a few decades ago can argue that we are becoming less sexualized by comparison without getting laughed at.  Eroticism is the mysticism of materialism.  

So what about love then?  Are all the flowers and chocolates that guys are buying on Valentines Day merely bribes to get girls in bed with them?  For some, this is certainly the case.  But not for all.  There is still a contingent of soldiers fighting for love for loves sake.

But what does that look like?  When we are talking about love, it is important to establish exactly what we mean by it.  If, by "love", we mean "the special feeling two people get that makes blood flow to certain parts of the body normally used in the process of baby-making", then we are at an impasse.  I would say that the former definition of love isn't love at all- it's lust.  

I'll never forget the story that I heard at the Salt Company Spring Retreat two years ago.  On the final day, our speaker, Paul Sabino told the story of how he met and dated his wife Jenny.  But it really wasn't a story about him and Jenny, it was a story about Jenny's father.  If you want to hear it, you can listen to it here (it's under "The Good Life- Sunday AM")

In the story, Jenny's dad (John) was suffering greatly.  He had been in and out of the hospital for a long time, had over 30 surgeries, and a bad blood transfusion.  On the week of his 28th wedding anniversary, it was evident that he could die at any moment.  Despite that, on the day of his anniversary, he gave instructions to the doctors that they were not to give him his usual medication so that he could have a clear mind.  He then instructed his son to go and buy a beautiful ring for him because when he got married, he was too poor to afford a nice one and he wanted to surprise his wife.  He then called his wife to the hospital and gave her the ring and shared a beautiful day with his wife, surprising her by even having the wherewithal to remember that it was their anniversary.  He died two days later in his wife's arms (she climbed into bed with him at the hospice and held him as he went to be with Jesus.)  

That is what love looks like.  Sacrificial.  That's what Jesus' love for us was like.  And we Christians called to love that way.  Ephesians says for husbands to "love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her."  This is the kind of love to emulate this Valentine's season.  Love with the goal of honoring your significant other, not seeking to get any more out of the relationship than you should.  

I don't feel qualified to offer advice to anyone who is currently dating anyone since I myself am single.  But I would offer this to all the single dudes out there:  don't fret because you don't have a hand to hold on Valentines Day.  Work to make sure that you are a man of character- to make sure that you are even the type of guy that deserves to be with a girl at all.  Being single is a great blessing, although it may not always feel like it.  I know I sure have a lot of work to do in that department, but where as in years past I went about trying to develop my character with the end goal of winning a girl in mind, now I want to develop my character for the sake of having a good character so that I can make the name of Jesus great.  And if He decides in his divine wisdom that I am ready for a girlfriend, then I'll take it when it comes.  

So don't be jealous of all the lovers out there.  Thank God that he gave us a model of what love looks like, and enjoy seeing others happy in each other's company.  Love is in the air!

Noseby Lives!!!.....Sort of

I was really struggling to get this particular post started.  I have actually written and erased 3 different editions now.  I was really having a hard time coming up with something to illustrate my point and yet still be somewhat relevant.  I think I've settled on telling a short story.

A few years ago, my friends Kyle, Justin, and I were hanging out in Muscatine at our friend Caroline's house.  We were joking around and just having a good time for a while but on this particular day our fate was to be put in a terribly awkward situation.  Caroline had a cat that was missing its nose......so naturally we took to calling it Noseby.  Caroline wasn't really a fan of the name (to this day I can't remember the cat's real name) but she wasn't able to get us to stop calling it Noseby.  This particular day we were playing Would You Rather and one of my friends asked Caroline: "would you rather call your cat Noseby for the rest of your life or...." and that's as far as he got because Caroline ran out of the room crying as soon as he brought it up.  As Kyle, Justin, and I sat in stunned silence, not sure what to do or what just happened, we were informed that Noseby had in fact been put down earlier that day.  Talk about bad timing....

Even though that story has moved from Most Awkward Moment Ever to Funny Moment to Relive, it still illustrates an interesting facet of humanity, namely, our tendency to be totally oblivious to the circumstances surrounding people's lives.  For Christians, this tendency is particularly troubling.  We have a mandate to share the news of Christ with all people.  But more often than not, we go from delivering the Good News to delivering judgement on people who aren't living in the same way that we are.  Christians are notorious for this and many non-believers cite judgmental Christians as one of their primary arguments against the faith.  

I have to admit that I struggle with this myself.  Oftentimes I find it so much easier to just sit back and judge a person rather than get to know them.  In the case above, I could see that Caroline was down about something but rather than ask what was wrong and try to understand her, I assumed that everything would be OK if I just avoided whatever it was.  The end result was an awkward tear filled moment.  But honestly that story isn't the best illustration.  There are way more painful and lasting issues in most people's lives than just a dead cat.  I have had people come to me and admit that they have been raped, cut themselves, attempted suicide, been thrown through a wall by their father, and so on.  And on the outside you might never guess.  The real tragedy is not that they don't open up about what they've been through but that we don't take the time to get to know them well enough to find out.  

The issues that people go through often shape them into the people that we love to judge because no one ever taught them to cope.  When we try to win people over to Jesus we fall into the trap of simply condemning certain ways of living without any sort of follow up or personal interaction.  We argue our points and in the end that is all that we make: a point.  But Jesus didn't make points, He made a difference.  Pastor Mark Driscoll has this to say: "if we want to make a point we don't need to pursue, know, or love someone.  We simply sit back, make a caricature of someone, and shoot them.  If we want to make a difference, we have to pursue them, get to know them, understand them, love them, and serve them."

It is really easy to sit in the seat of the mocker and make fun of people that are different than us or people that we disagree with.  What is really hard is to come along side someone and say "hey, let's share life with each other."  You have to open yourself up in the process of getting to know another person and that is a scary thing.  But it is also the most authentic thing you can do.  No one will ever give any credence to what you say about Jesus if you don't model his authenticity.  

C.S Lewis has an awesome quote that illustrates this perfectly:

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses to remember that the dullest, most uninteresting person that you meet now may one day be a creature which, if you were to say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you meet now, if at all, in a nightmare.  All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations.  It is in light of these overwhelming possibilities that we must conduct all our dealings with each other; all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.  There are no ordinary people- you have never talked to a mere mortal...That does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn.  We must play.  But our merriment must be the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption."

This is the love that Jesus modeled for us.  As his followers, we are compelled to love in the same way.  Jesus went after the social undesirables.  He served, he loved, he pursued, he made a difference.

Never take anything for granted about someone else even if you see them every day and you think you know them.  God is the only one fully qualified to examine hearts and minds with impunity.  The hurts of this world as a result of sin are immense and many.  People are complicated because God in his divine providence made them that way to reflect his glory in us, his image bearers.  When we judge others, we elevate ourselves from created to creator and presume to be like God in our ability to know the hearts of others.  This is the sin of both pride and idolatry and we must repent, live in humility like Jesus and learn how to make a difference rather than a point.  Then we can help others come to Jesus instead of dragging them through the swamp of our self-righteousness.  

A special thanks to Noseby for helping me out from Cat Heaven....hopefully you got your nose back buddy.
Also, This song goes perfectly with the post topic.   Give it a listen